It helps if you upload to get better search results & connect more easily. Some people filter out those that share less than a certain no. of files so those that share less than that wouldn't be able to connect to such people.

As for direct connecting. It helps if ou both have Chat enabled. See: http://www.gnutellaforums.com/showth...threadid=30911 & also http://www.gnutellaforums.com/showth...threadid=31006