For direct connect to work, you should both have chat enabled & not be firewalled. Do either of you see the firewall icon (brick wall)? Click on the link for some more info about using direct connect
http://www.gnutellaforums.com/showpo...63&postcount=3

If you're not firewalled, just give it some time. Browsing a host is a bit hit-and-miss anyway...won't work then 5 minutes later, it will!