This is a post that will bring you no solutions whatsoever to your problems. I just want to say that I agree with stief.
You have chosen, like, the coolest nickname ever !

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iMac G4 OSX 10.3.9
RAM 256MB
LW 4.10.5 Basic
ADSL anything from 3 to 8Mbps/around 1024kbps

"Raise your can of Beer on high
And seal your fate forever
Our best years have passed us by
The Golden Age Of Leather"
-Blue Öyster Cult-