I just tried a different search on the forum and saw a few of the tips for fake files, but downloading from sources with only a few hosts (or even one host) produces the same results for me, and bitzi never returns any results for me (although I'm happy to have the long-in-my-mind question of "what the hell is bitzi?" answered). I have also tried searching with slightly different terms and still get the same fake results.

Also, although it appears to be unrelated, most of the time Limewire will only connect to the usual 3 sources. However, sometimes it will continue aquiring new connections until I close the program. And in about half of these instances it will max out one of the two cores of my processor, requiring me to restart the program.