My apology to all real blondes out there, but it was really funny.

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. ... After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. ... She says, 'What's the story?' .... He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor' ... She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'


A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.. She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'


There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?' ... The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'


A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. ... 'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.' ... The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. ... The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you? ... 'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.' ... 'I thought so,' the doctor said. 'Your finger is broken.'


A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! ... Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!' .... 'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'


A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!' ... The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!' ... The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!' ... The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. 'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian. ... To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'


A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' ... She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'


A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' ... 'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blond. 'They're watch dogs!'

A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight from L.A. to New York. The lawyer leans over to her & asks if she would like to play a fun game. .... The blonde is tired & just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines & rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. .... The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy & a lot of fun. He explains how the game works: "I ask you a question, & if you don't know the answer, you pay me, & vice versa." Again, the blonde politely declines & tries to get some sleep. ... The lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer. "Okay, how about this ... if you don't know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill, & hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, & comes down with four?"
The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer & searches all his references. He taps into the Air-phone with his modem & searches the Net & even the Library of Congress. ... Frustrated, he send e-mails to all his coworkers & friends he knows, all to no avail. After over an hour of searching for the answer he finally gives up. He wakes the blonde & hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 & turns away to get back to sleep. ... The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs & comes down with four?"
Again without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep